What does your partner find sexy about your disability?

This time I asked the question! I posed this to disability-focused lists and forums: What do our partners find sexy about our disabilities.

The question was an attempt to focus on sexy as a normal part of the disability experience and relationships. It seemed to me that we were getting to the point where we could not talk about being sexy without the D word popping up.

Anyone who gets involved with someone who has a disability becomes suspect and is assumed a devotee. This does an injustice to all parties.

The person attracted to someone with a disability automatically gets labeled as having a fetish and his or her motives are called into question. The partner with the disability is assumed unattractive, suggesting one must be imbalanced to be attracted to us. And the person who is actually sexually oriented to some aspect of a disability -- whether it be a brace or a stump or a leg bag -- is automatically assumed to be deviant in all aspects of his or her sexual relationships.

Sexual relationships and sexual orientations are much more complex than this.

Just because someone finds something sexy or attractive about a various aspect of a disability, say a scar for example, doesn't make him or her a devo or a deviate. I would not characterize my wife as a devo yet there are things she finds sexy about me related to my disability.

For example, there's an indent in my hip where they took bone out for an anterior fusion in my neck, and my wife likes to feel it. I also have a wide scar on my abdomen from some surgery. It's very smooth and she traces it with her finger. My fingers are contracted and when we were first courting she used to almost unconsciously stretch them out and massage them as we talked. Sexy doesn't have to be just physical. It could be the way you relate. I could go on, but others have their own perspectives to add to the mix.

As expected when doing research on sexuality and disability, some people thought the question was provocative, others perverse, and still others, plain perverted. As I explained to some, the actual question really just serves as a bridge into discussions around this topic. People will interpret and react to it from their own perspective. The responses are important as they add richness to the various dimensions of our relationships.
Love is blind

Quadlover said he has often wondered about this question and suggested maybe it is true that love is blind. For many it was. They didn't see the disability, only the person. L&k says "My babe is 6 months new to a C5-C6 SCI, incomplete injury. I find her extremely sexy. I always have and I always will. She is the same person to me, inside and out, as before her injury. Though she can't walk, we continue to do things together, spend time, etc., as before. That's what really counts."

Annonymous notes, "I didn't know the person I love before (the disability), but I have seen pictures. They are just as sexy to me now as they are in those pictures ... more so maybe because of the special person they are inside and out. … And gorgeous -- gorgeous indeed!"

Darlene, who has cerebral palsy, asked her able-bodied partner, who replied, "Who said I found anything about your disability sexy? How about you send something in that says I find YOU sexy notwithstanding your disability."

Scooter said, "The bottom line is women aren't attracted to me because of my chair, but because of the man sitting in it." Keith asked his spouse what she found sexy or exciting about his disability and she simply stated, "The guy that comes with the disability." "Go figure," he says.
The whole package

Ingrid was inspired to ask her partner, Robert, of 18 years what he finds sexy about her. He said it was "the whole package," particularly her enthusiasm, her sense of fun, her hugs, her body weight and her body color. She then asked him the opposite question: does he find anything unsexy about her disability. She thought he might mention the fact that he has to position her, but all he said was that sometimes he felt pain during intercourse because her pelvis is tilted as her hips are inverted due to cerebral palsy. Ingrid guesses that they just love each other.

Nicko was afraid this might be a very short article as sexy is not a word she connects with her disability. Her husband thought she was sexy before her accident, and he still finds her sexy. She thinks it is despite her disability, not because of it. She writes, "I think he admires my mind and spirit, because of the way I deal with problems and keep a big smile on my face. But I think he'd like the old bod' back as much as I would."
Attitude is everything

Veranda notes, "My partner says what makes me sexy is the way that I carry myself. I still wear cute and sexy clothes, faithfully go get my nails done, and every three months I get my hair colored or touched up with highlights because I believe I have no limits. And he also says (he likes) the way I still want to have a sexual relationship even though I'm in a chair. I also have a scar on my leg that he always rubs and says is sexy. To paraphrase a bit from Forest Gump, I think sexy is what sexy does."

From Greg, "My spouse likes my availability. I have MS and I get to stay home a lot. I conserve what energy I do have for spending time with my lover."
Scars

Many people related to my example of a scar. Maybe as Scooter noted it is because every scar tells a story about us. Angus has noticed that when girls rub the scar on the back of his neck their eyes light up. "Chicks dig scars!" he says.

Guys do too. Chipper wrote that her husband really likes her strong arms and the scars on her back from all the spine surgery she has had. "I find that he traces the scars on my back when he is tense and when he is aroused."

Erica was quite excited about the scar thing also: "Actually a lot of the guys I dated LOVED this scar I have on my belly right above my belly button from where they opened me up to check for any internal bleeding. ... They thought the scar was sexy as hell. ... I used to be so self conscious about my scars and now I like them."
Muscles

Mishapie shared that her boyfriend with a T4 injury from eight years ago has the most beautiful arms and shoulders she has ever seen or felt. "He doesn't understand why I'm so turned on when he flexes his arm in my hand ... and now I'm comfortable enough to not be self-conscious when I touch him where he can't feel. ... He's so beautiful to me, all over."
'It's all bad'

There were a few out there who could see nothing sexy about disability. One person noted that there were non-disability related things about him that his wife liked, but there were no physical, mental or emotional traits brought on by his disability that she likes (or that he liked, for that matter). "It's all bad," he said.

While we cannot do much to change the physical, I have to believe there is hope to improve the mental and emotional outlook. Our choice of our outlook on life is one thing that is within our control, and sexy is in the eye of the beholder.

For those who have questioned how anyone can find them attractive with a disability, here is your answer! Partners do find us -- including things about our disability -- sexy! Disabled does not equal unattractive and disability has the potential to bring out some admirable qualities. Sometimes we don't believe it when our own partner says we are still sexy because we may feel so different from people without disabilities or from ourselves, in the case of an acquired disability. I think it is affirming for everyone to hear partners' perspectives.

Tips on How To Gain Weight Quickly

Tips on how to gain weight quickly are priceless to skinny people who struggle to put on some extra pounds. The world we live in is a contradictory one. There are folks who put on weight rather effortlessly and yearn to lose their weight and fats through unhealthy diets. Yet on the other end of the spectrum, thin people find it tremendously challenging to gain that extra few pounds to enhance their physical appearance and regain some masculine appeal in the case of men. Skinny ladies also dream of fitting nicely into beautiful clothes that look so fabulous on those svelte and voluptuous models. But do not envy those who put on weight too easily, especially those through unhealthy diets. It is better to understand the fundamentals behind healthy weight gain. This is where you can learn more on how to gain weight quickly and healthily

Before we tackle the issue of how to gain weight quickly, let us look at the reasons why scrawny and thin people fail in gaining weight successfully no matter how hard they try. Survey statistics discovered the following as the top reasons why they are not putting on weight:

1. Poor Diet

Skinny people are not eating right and enough. By that, it means that they are not eating foods that would help them to gain weight. Protein is critical in adding extra weight but many folks do not get enough protein intake. This is where things go awry. So how can they expect to gain weight quickly or for that matter, any significant weight improvement at all? It is important to load more on protein, and less on simple carbs. Read on for specific weight-gain diet foods.

2. Proper Work-out

Eating is not sufficient. We all need to engage in some kinds of physical activities to convert our food intake to healthy mass. This conversion can take place only with proper exercises. People who truly understand how to gain weight quickly do so in a healthy manner with proportionate muscle mass gain.

3. Poor Motivation

Weight gaining or slimming works in a similar manner. Medical practitioners have come to understand that the motivation behind the individual wanting to gain weight is vital to his/her success. Our generation is often called the “instant noodles” generation where everyone desires instant results. Weight gaining is not an overnight mission, but a long-term goal. Failing to understand this is a sure ingredient for weight gain failure.

Once we are able to acknowledge and work around the common grounds for failure, we are well on our way to successful quick weight gain. Are you ready for some easy-to-follow tips on how to gain weight quickly?

1. Weight Gain Diet Foods 101

I mentioned earlier that eating the right foods and eating enough of them is the key to weight gain. Foods such as fast food, chocolates and other junk food like chips won’t do you any good. Any weight gain from such foods would do your health more harm than good.

Cultivate a habit of eating more than your daily energy and calorie needs. First, find out what is your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) which equates your daily calorie need/count to maintain your weight at its current level. Next, start planning your weekly dietary plans to increase your weekly intake by 3500 calories to achieve a weight gain of 1-2 pounds within a week. This translates to an additional 500 calories in your daily calorie intake.

Eat more protein-based food stuff such as beef and chicken. Drink more milk for it is a rich source of protein. Balance your meals with vegetables and nuts as well. Eat 5 or 6 small meals rather than 3 big meals to balance the calorie intake.

2. Weight Gain and Muscle Mass Building Routine

You need to tone up the extra weight you are adding to your bodies so that you don’t end up obese. Depending on your preference for physical activities, the 2 kinds of activities recommended here would be useful in complementing with your weight gain diet.

Engage in moderate activities such as brisk walking, jogging or playing a sport for at least 30 minutes for 3-4 times per week. Try to inject some fun into your physical activity so that you would feel encouraged and motivated to cultivate this as a habit and eventually as part of your lifestyle.

Work out in the gym on some resistance training for at least 3 times per week. But before you do so, speak to a qualified physical training instructor who can advise on what exercise routine is suitable for you. If not, go to the library to read up on what are the work-out routines that are ideal for a person of your build and weight.

Knowing these simple tips on how to gain weight quickly should give you better knowledge than most people in the basic building blocks of gaining weight healthily. For more details about the ideal natural weight gain diet foods and more tips on how to gain weight and muscle mass simultaneously, visit my blog for further reading.

This article may be freely reprinted or distributed in its entirety in any ezine, newsletter, blog or website. The author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and be included with every reproduction.

Davion is a successful webmaster and author. Find out more about natural and effective tips on how to gain weight and muscle mass quickly that have benefited many skinny people at his blog http://gain-muscle-mass-weight.blogspot.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Davion_Wong

Gaining Weight

Here are answers and opinions from contributors:

• The best way to gain weight easily and safely is to work out and eat food anytime after 8:00 pm. The reason why is your body is relaxed at this point so your body does not burn off the calories which cause weight gain.

• If you really want to gain weight, do what has worked for the majority of Americans: Go on a diet! While you will experience a loss in weight intitally, your metabolism will slow down, and your body will shift into weight storage mode. When you do begin eating normally again, you will gain weight quickly and effortlessly. If you want to gain a lot of weight, diet for a long time. If a little weight will help you, even two weeks can reset your body's weight thermostat.

• Go to Dietitian website and click on 'underweight' on the left. Try the 'healthy body calculator' which personalizes a diet to suit your lifestyle and height. I have to eat around 15000kJ a day to gain 1kg per week. It has helped me so far, but I had to keep a diary at first to make sure I was eating enough. Generally if you are full all the time, you are probably eating enough to gain some weight.

• Just increase portion size, I gained a stone which I very much needed to in 3 weeks, but slightly decreasing my activity and increasing portion sizes. also drinking calorie drinks which I didn't before easily adds up calories. that's not to say have loads of soda because it's not good for you, but juices or squash, tea, coffee etc. do it in a healthy way, don't go binging on bad foods.

• Don't eat breakfast Exercise to make yourself tired, then eat a large lunch, then exercise some more and eat a large dinner, then go to sleep. Eating large amounts of food and then going to sleep is an easy way to gain weight because you don't work any of the food off.

How to gain weight?

While most of the people find overweight problems and struggle to keep the kilos off, others find it just as challenging to put weight on. It is due to improper diet and unhealthy practices that make many people lose their weight.

Risks associated with being too skinny include complications in surgery and slow recovery after illnesses. However it can be recovered by having proper diet that puts on weight. The energy density of foods is important factor to gain weight. Energy density refers to the amount of energy or calories compared to the weight of the food.

Some people are just naturally thin no matter how much they eat and the envy of those who gain weight easily. If you are thin and want to get bigger and gain weight, here's some "how to gain weight" information that I think you may be able to use.

Following are some of the guide lines for gaining weight
Good habits:
To gain weight, eat food with extremely high caloric value. Try to increase your food intake without consuming too much fat and sugar. Regular meals, especially breakfast, are important if you find it difficult to gain weight. Taking your time with meals and making sure you are relaxed is also important to ensure that your digestive system functions properly. Having some fixed timings and avoid eating in between so as to increase the hunger for food.

Eat more
Eat five or more meals a day. Drink plenty of fluids that supply calories like juice, milk, milkshakes, and sports beverages. Eat starchy grains and vegetables, such as rice, oats, pasta, potatoes, kumara, carrots and pumpkin. Add condiments such as yoghurt, sour cream, sauces and dressings to plain foods and salads. Eat bread with fatty spreads such as avocado, peanut butter and olive or canola oil margarines. Eating an extra 1000kJ over and above your daily needs can produce a weight increase of around 1kg per week.

Protein
Protein is essential to the body, for repair, to enable the immune system to function and for recovery from illness. If you are recovering from illness, it is important to include adequate protein in your diet. Good vegetarian sources of protein include: cereals, nuts & seeds, Soya products (Soya milk, tofu, tempeh etc) and pulses. Milk, yoghurt, cheese, and free-range eggs are also excellent protein sources for the non-vegan.

You must ensure that you include a protein source at each meal. Try to choose the energy dense sources of protein that are relatively soft and which do not contain to much fiber, for example, the Soya or dairy sources of protein. Eat dry fruits daily. Small size cashew nuts, almond and raisins have bundle of energy.

What Should You Eat To Gain Weight?
The following diet for gaining weight can supply those extra calories. Eat at least these group food items.

a) Milk Group: milk, cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, ice cream.
b) Meat Group: meat, fish, poultry, eggs, dried beans and peas, nuts.
c) Vegetable Group: fresh, frozen, canned, juiced vegetables.
d) Fruit Group: Fresh, frozen, canned, dried, juiced fruits.
e) Grain Group: Cereals, breads, rolls, pasta, muffins, pancakes, grits, rice.

Alcohol can also be taken in small sips, perhaps before meals, as it may help improve your appetite. Alcohol must be taken after your doctor’s permission only. If you like oily food then try adding some vegetable oil or vegetable margarine to your food, particularly to mashed pulses, salads and potatoes. Go for fried foods if you love eating it.

Avoid Caffeine and Nicotine
Caffeine and nicotine are good stimulants and help to increase the metabolism of our body. Avoid having these stimulants in excess quantity to help your body retain maximum nutritional value from what you eat.

Eat Late
Having snacks at bedtime may help to gain weight, as long as it does not interfere with sleep. To gain optimal nutritional value from the food you have eaten you must relax after having meal.

Eat Frequently
If you have food just for one or two times than it slows down the weight gain since it makes you feel that your stomach is full. Go for smaller meals and snacks throughout the day since it increases the food intake of our body.

Exercise
While doing exercise it should be done such that muscles are stretched out. You don't have to do it excessively; rather you must subject your body to out of the ordinary stress each workout to grow muscle and to gain weight.

Inborn factors can play a large role in physique. If our parents are thin means we have less chance to put on weight. Many non-nutritional factors can also contribute to low body weight, such as stress or nervous tension. Good nutrition, rest, relaxation and regular exercise help in increasing body mass. So be happy and eat healthy food after all "Health is wealth".

By Yogesh Ambekar
Published: 8/23/2004

Story of Rudolph

The True Story of Rudolph

The story behind the story

On a December night in Chicago many years ago, a little girl climbed onto her father's lap and asked a question. It was a simple question, asked in children's curiosity, yet it had a heart-rending effect on Robert May.
"Daddy," four-year-old Barbara May asked, "Why isn't my mommy just like everybody else's mommy?"
Bob May stole a glance across his shabby two-room apartment. On a couch lay his young wife, Evelyn, racked with cancer. For two years she had been bedridden. For two years, all of Bob's small income and smaller savings had gone to pay for treatments and medication.
The terrible ordeal had already shattered two adult lives. Now, Bob suddenly realized the happiness of his growing daughter was also in jeopardy. As he ran his fingers through Barbara's hair, he groped for some satisfactory answer to her question.
Bob May knew only too well what it meant to be 'different'. As a child he had been weak and delicate. With the innocent cruelty of children, his playmates had continually goaded the stunted, skinny lad to tears. Later, at Dartsmouth, from which he graduated in 1936, Bob May was so small that he was always being mistaken for someone's little brother.
Nor was his adult life much happier. Unlike many of his classmates who floated from college into plush jobs, Bob became a lowly copy writer for Montgomery Ward, the big Chicago mail order house. Now at 33, Bob was deep in debt, depressed and sad.
Although, he didn't know it at the time, the answer he gave the little child on his lap was to bring him fame and fortune. It was also to bring joy to countless thousands of children like his own Barbara. On that December night in the shabby Chicago apartment, Bob cradled the little girl's head against his shoulder and began to tell a story . . .
"Once upon a time, there was a reindeer named Rudolph, the only reindeer in the world that had a big red nose. Naturally people called him "Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer." As Bob went on to tell about Rudolph, he tried desperately to communicate to Barbara the knowledge that, even though some creatures of God are strange and different, they often enjoy the miraculous power to make others happy.
"Rudolph," Bob explained, "was terribly embarrassed by his unique nose. Other reindeer laughed at him; his mother and father and sister were mortified, too. Even Rudolph wallowed in self pity."
"Why was I born with such a terrible nose?" he cried.
"Well," continued Bob, "one Christmas eve, Santa Claus got his team of husky reindeer - Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen, and the others -- ready for their yearly trip around the world. The entire reindeer community assembled to cheer these great heroes on their way. But, a terrible fog engulfed the earth that evening, and Santa knew that the mist was so thick that he wouldn't be able to find a single chimney."
"Suddenly Rudolph appeared, his read nose glowing brighter than ever. Santa sensed at once that here was the answer to his perplexing problem. He led Rudolph to the front of the sleigh, fastened the harness and climbed in. They were off! Rudolph guided Santa safely to every chimney that night. Rain, and fog, snow and sleet -- nothing bothered Rudolph for his bright red nose penetrated like a beacon."
"And, so it was that Rudolph became the most famous and beloved of all the reindeer. The huge red nose he once hid in shame was now the envy of every buck and doe in the reindeer world. Santa Claus told everyone that Rudolph had saved the day, and from that Christmas on, Rudolph has been living serenely and happy."
Little Barbara laughed with glee when her father had finished. Every night she begged him to repeat the tale until finally Bob could rattle it off in his sleep. Then, at Christmas time, he decided to make the story into a poem like the 'Night Before Christmas' and prepare it in a booklet form with crude illustrations, for Barbara's personal gift.
Night after night, Bob worked on the verses after Barbara had gone to bed, for he was determined that his daughter should have a worthwhile gift, even though he could not afford to buy one.
Then, as Bob was about to put the finishing touches on Rudolph, tragedy struck. Evelyn May died. Bob, his hopes crushed, turned to Barbara as his chief comfort. Yet, despite his grief, he sat at his desk in the quiet, now lonely apartment, and worked on Rudolph with tears in his eyes.
Shortly after Barbara had cried with joy over his handmade gift on Christmas morning, Bob was asked to an employee's holiday party at Montgomery Wards. He didn't want to go, but his office associates insisted. When Bob finally agreed, he took with him the poem and read it to the crowd. At first the noisy throng listened in laughter and gaiety. Then, they became silent, and at the end broke into spontaneous applause. That was in 1938.
By Christmas of 1947, some 6 million copies of the booklet had been given away or sold, making Rudolph one of the most widely distributed books in the world. The demand for Rudolph sponsored products increased so much in variety and number that educators and historians predicted Rudolph would occupy a permanent niche in the Christmas legend.
Through the years of unhappiness, the tragedy of his wife's death and his ultimate success with Rudolph, Bob May has captured a sense of serenity. And as each Christmas rolls around he recalled with thankfulness the night when his daughter's questions inspired him to write the story.

How did christmas start?

Where did it come from? Where is it going?
In many countries of the world, the celebration of Christmas on December 25th is a high point of the year. But why? Can it have any real meaning for us today? Is there a 'real' Christmas message?
Christmas celebrations in the West today
From November onwards, it is impossible to forget that Christmas is coming. Coloured lights decorate many town centres and shops, along with shiny decorations, and artificial snow painted on shop windows. In streets and shops, 'Christmas trees' (real or plastic evergreen 'conifer' trees) will also be decorated with lights and Christmas ornaments.
Shopping centres become busier as December approaches and often stay open till late.Shopping centre speaker systems systems will play Christmas 'carols' - the traditional Christmas Christian songs, and groups of people will often sing carols on the streets to raise money for charity. Most places of work will hold a short Christmas party about a week before Christmas. Although traditional Christmas foods may be eaten, drink (and plenty of it) means that little work will be done after the party!
By mid-December, most homes will also be decorated with Christmas trees, coloured lights and paper or plastic decorations around the rooms. These days, many more people also decorate garden trees or house walls with coloured electric lights, a habit which has long been popular in USA.
In many countries, most people post Christmas greeting cards to their friends and family, and these cards will be hung on the walls of their homes. In UK this year, the British Post Office expects to handle over 100 million cards EACH DAY, in the three weeks before Christmas.

Christmas cards The custom of sending Christmas cards started in Britain in 1840 when the first 'Penny Post' public postal deliveries began. (Helped by the new railway system, the public postal service was the 19th century's communication revolution, just as email is for us today.) As printing methods improved, Christmas cards were produced in large numbers from about 1860. They became even more popular in Britain when a card could be posted in an unsealed envelope for one half-penny - half the price of an ordinary letter. Traditionally, Christmas cards showed religious pictures - Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus, or other parts of the Christmas story. Today, pictures are often jokes, winter pictures, Father Christmas, or romantic scenes of life in past times.

The old man with the sack 'Father Christmas' (or 'Santa Claus') has become the human face of Christmas. Pictures will be seen everywhere of the old man with long white beard, red coat, and bag of toys. Children are taught that he brings them presents the night before Christmas (or in some countries on December 6th - St. Nicholas' Day), and many children up to the age of 7 or 8 really believe this is true. In most countries, it is said that he lives near the North Pole, and arrives through the sky on a sledge (snow-cart) pulled by reindeer. He comes into houses down the chimney at midnight and places presents for the children in socks or bags by their beds or in front of the family Christmas tree.

In shops or at children's parties, someone will dress up as Father Christmas and give small presents to children, or ask them what gifts they want for Christmas. Christmas can be a time of magic and excitement for children.

Who was he? Father Christmas is based on a real person, St. Nicholas, which explains his other name 'Santa Claus' which comes from the Dutch 'Sinterklaas'. Nicholas was a Christian leader from Myra (in modern-day Turkey) in the 4th century AD. He was very shy, and wanted to give money to poor people without them knowing about it. It is said that one day, he climbed the roof of a house and dropped a purse of money down the chimney. It landed in the stocking which a girl had put to dry by the fire! This may explain the belief that Father Christmas comes down the chimney and places gifts in children's stockings.

Boxing Day In English-speaking countries, the day following Christmas Day is called 'Boxing Day'. This word comes from the custom which started in the Middle Ages around 800 years ago: churches would open their 'alms boxe' (boxes in which people had placed gifts of money) and distribute the contents to poor people in the neighbourhood on the day after Christmas. The tradition continues today - small gifts are often given to delivery workers such as postal staff and children who deliver newspapers.

Making sense of Christmas Today in the West, not many people consider the religious meaning to Christmas. Most people in UK or Europe will not go to a religious church meeting, even at Christmas. It has become a busy race to spend money on presents, and get ready for the Day. In UK, our shops stay open till late Christmas Eve and often open again on Boxing Day with the cut-price 'sales'. (Not much holiday for the poor shop workers!) A visitor from another world would think that Christmas was a festival to the gods of money and shopping.

What do you want from Christmas? Many people do hope for more than presents at Christmas. We want to somehow return to a time in our childhood (or some other good time in the past), when life was simpler and made more sense, before the troubles of adult life arrived. We feel sure that behind all the fun and decorations, there must somehow be a message, something more, some key to life, hope and happiness.

So can we look beyond the way Christmas is celebrated today, and find any real meaning, any message for our lives today?

How different countries celebrate Christmas Do you know what they eat in Latvia on Christmas Day? The real Christmas Story What really happened? How did the story end? OR DID IT? The Manger by Pearlie Walker - Poem 'C H R I S T M A S' by Joan Clifton Costner - Poem '~ Christmas in the Air ~' by Marie Williams - Poem 'Christmas Memories' by Marie Williams - Poem Mohinder's true story Christmas was just a good time to drink extra whisky and beer for Mohinder, until he found the real meaning of Christmas.

The problem page Christmas can often be a time of debt, stress, worry, loneliness, even suicide. Our problem pages try to help.

How did Christmas start? Since about 400 AD, Christians have celebrated the birth of Jesus. 'Christ' means 'Messiah' or 'Anointed One' - the title given to Jesus - and 'Mass' was a religious festival. In the West today, the real meaning of Christmas is often forgotten. It has become a non-religious holiday! More children believe in Father Christmas than in Jesus. Christmas Day is a time for eating and drinking too much and watching television. But the real Christmas story is found in the Christian Bible. It is told in two different books: Matthew and Luke chapters 1 and 2. If you have no Bible, you can read these chapters online. You may think that the story of the birth of Jesus, and the way that the West celebrates Christmas today, do not seem to have many connections.
Mary says "yes"
copyright New Tribes	These chapters tell how Jesus was born as a baby to Mary. This was no ordinary birth! She was not married, she was a virgin, (yes, really!) and an angel had told her she would bear a special baby. Her husband-to-be, Joseph, did not believe her at first. Who would? Then an angel told him in a dream that it was true! Probably no one else believed it. So when they had to travel from their home in Nazareth to Bethlehem (near Jerusalem), to register their names with the ruling Roman government, they probably escaped many hard words from other people.
	Arrival in Bethlehem brought worry and upset: there was no room for them to stay at the hotel. There was only space in the stable - the animal house for travellers' donkeys and horses.
	Jesus was born that night, and as they had no bed for him, they used an animal feeding box filled with the dry grass the animals ate. Christmas cards and pictures today make it all seem very nice. In truth, it must have been dirty and frightening for a young couple, far from their home and families. Possibly the birth was premature after the stress of the journey. This was a very poor place for Jesus to start his life on earth.

God's plan? Christians believe that it was exactly God's plan that things happened this way. They say that it shows that Jesus came as a humble, poor person and not as a strong, rich king. They also claim that the birth of Jesus was told many years before in the books of the prophets. Five hundred years before, the prophet Micah had said, "But you Bethlehem, though you are small, out of you will come for me, one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times." The prophet Isaiah had written, "A child is born to us! A son is given to us! And he will be our ruler. He will be called, "Wonderful Counsellor," "Mighty God," "Eternal Father," "Prince of Peace." His royal power will continue to grow; his kingdom will always be at peace.... He will rule as King David's successor, basing his power on right and justice, from now until the end of time." These are only two of many prophetic words that told of the birth and life of Jesus, written hundreds of years before His birth.

The shepherds are frightened
copyright New Tribes	At that time, sheep farmers were seen by other people as low and of no value. Yet it was to these shepherds that the birth of Jesus was first announced in an amazing dramatic way: "That night there were some men looking after sheep in the fields nearby. Suddenly they saw a great light. It was an angel, who said,
'Don't be afraid. I have good news for you, and for all people. Someone great has been born today. He is Christ, the great King you have been waiting for. He will save you from all that is wrong and evil. You will find him dressed in baby clothes, lying on a bed of dry grass.'"

The story of the wise men After Jesus was born, wise men came to look for Him, from an area which is now in either Iran or Saudi Arabia. Although they are often called the "Three Kings", the Bible does not say how many there were, or that they were kings. Three is only a guess because they brought with them three gifts. Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh
They were certainly men of learning - probably today we would call them philosophers or scientists. They had seen an unusual new star in the sky, and knew that it told of the birth of a special king. (The star they saw was probably a exploding "supernova" and is known from astronomical records.) They followed the direction of the star and eventually found the place where Mary, Joseph and Jesus were staying. To bring honour to the child, they brought rich gifts: gold, frankincense (a resin which burns with a beautiful smell), and myrrh (plant oil with a very strong sweet smell). These gifts tell us in pictures three key things about Jesus: Gold: a gift fit for a King Frankincense: burnt in worship of God Myrrh: a sign of mortal human-ness - it was used to bury the dead
Jesus a refugee Herod, the evil king of the area, heard about the child, saw Him as a threat, and sent soldiers to kill Jesus. But God told Joseph in a dream to take Mary and the baby and escape to Egypt. They lived there till King Herod died and then went back to live in Nazareth. We read nothing more about the life of Jesus, except for one story when he was 12, until He reached 30. By the way - note one important thing: Jesus was not a white European, and Christianity is not a Western religion. Christmas cards from different countries often show Mary, Joseph and Jesus in the landscape of that country, and with the racial appearance of that nationality, be it black African, Indian, or Japanese. This is good and right - Jesus came to identify with every racial group. He is "Everyman" for us all.

The end of the story? Here is a newspaper cartoon printed some years ago, showing Father Christmas reading the Christmas story to a child. "But how did it end?" the child asks. Behind them, you can see the Cross (execution pole) on which Jesus was killed at the age of 33. Jesus was indeed "the man born to die". But that was not the end of the story. It is still going on, and you can be part of the story, if you wish.

"But how did it end?" with permission: courtesy The Guardian/Observer

No other person has had such an effect on human lives as Jesus. He came back to life again, and millions say they know Him today as a friend and helper in their lives. You owe it to yourself to find out more about Him. Is He who He claimed to be? Can He help us in our lives today? You have nothing to lose! Christmas is the time to stop and think about these important questions.

What Christmas is all about? - Poem Little Baby Jesus - Poem	The Manger Scene - Poem Blessed Holy Night -Poem The Perfect Tree. A Short Story for Christmas.
Mohinder's true story Christmas was just a good time to drink more whisky and beer for Mohinder, until he found the real meaning of Christmas. Finding help in our lives Can God really meet our needs today?

Addictive Relationships

Millions of people in America are suffering from unhealthy relationship patterns as a result of being addicted to another person. Addictive love patterns are evident in all types of relationships: women with men, women with women, men with men, parents with children, and children with parents. However, addictive love relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women. Often the dysfunctional patterns are passed on from parents to their children.

An addictive relationship is a single overwhelming involvement that cuts a person off from life. It is an addiction in the same sense as drug dependence, identified by ever-increasing craving and ultimate withdrawal syndrome, with the same dynamics of passivity, low self-esteem, magical thinking, helplessness, and lack of initiative or self-confidence.

In order to work toward mutual understanding and mature love, persons must distinguish between healthy commitment and interdependence, and the destructive exploitation of self and others which masquerades as love.

The following check list is a guide to help in identifying the tendency to form addictive, unhealthy relationships. Agreement with most of the following statements probably indicates a long-standing problem with addictive love.

1. To be happy, you need a relationship. When you are not in a relationship, you feel depressed, and the cure for healing that depression usually involves meeting a new person.

2. You often feel magnetically drawn to another person. You act on this feeling even when you suspect the person may not be good for you.

3. You often try to change another person to meet your ideal.

4. Even when a relationship isn't good for you, you find it difficult to break it off.

5. When you consider breaking a relationship, you worry about what will happen to the other person without you.

6. After a break-up, you immediately start looking for a new relationship in order to avoid being alone.

7. You are often involved with someone unavailable who lives far away, is married, is involved with someone else, or is emotionally distant.

8. A kind, available person probably seems boring to you and even if he/she likes you, you will probably reject him/her.

9. Even though you may demonstrate independence in other areas, you are fearful of independence within a love relationship.

10. You find it hard to say no to the person with whom you are involved.

11. You do not really believe you deserve a good relationship.

12. Your self-doubt causes you to be jealous and possessive in an effort to maintain control.

13. Sexually, you are more concerned with pleasing your partner than pleasing yourself.

14. You feel as if you are unable to stop seeing a certain person even though you know that continuing the relationship is destructive to you.

15. Memories of a relationship continue to control your thoughts for months or even years after it has ended.

Addictive love is ultimately destructive to itself and to the persons involved. Addicted lovers are increasingly unable to cope with anyone or anything else. The relationship becomes the only point of certainty in a bewildering and lonely world. Addictive love does produce a certain excitement that is not present in healthier relationships, which is why some people stay in an unfulfilling relationship long after they've recognized the dysfunctional nature of it.

By contrast, mature lovers have the desire to grow and expand themselves through the relationship. They do not use the lover to fill up the emptiness within themselves, but are self-completed. The relationship brings out the best in them. They are friends who enjoy each other for their own individuality, yet the relationship is integrated into the totality of life, and they maintain other serious interests as well.

Recovery from love addiction is possible, and with it, the opportunity for healthier, non-addictive relationships in the future. The first step is to admit there is a problem. Then there must be a willingness to take action: break old patterns, increase self-esteem, and make new priorities in relationships and in life as a whole.

Spiritual resources are important for a balanced approach to handling any circumstance of life. In a relationship with God, people have the assurance that God is with them always.